Standing in a Wheat Field
by EDD17SP
Summary: When Candace wonders about some strange lyrics in her spontaneous musical number from "Great Balls of Water," she ends up on an adventure of epic proportions. Meanwhile, Perry must stop Dr. Doofenshmirtz from destroying the Tri-State Area's crops. Aliens and Civil War artifacts play a part in this epic Candace-centric tale.
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own Phineas and Ferb, especially not the first few lines of this story because they came straight from the episode "Great balls of water."**

Chapter 1

"Wow! A party on the lake?" Jeremy exclaimed. "I never would have thought of that! You come up with the best ideas. We can go to the mall tomorrow."

"You really want to go to the mall again?" Candace asked.

"We're teenagers. It's what we do," Jeremy said as he put his arm around her shoulders.

A little while later, the two teens were playing in the recently created lake in the middle of Danville Park with Phineas, Ferb and their friends. They were hitting a beach ball back and forth to each other, just trying to keep it from landing in the water.

As Candace was leaning forward to hit the ball back to her boyfriend, she abruptly stopped. She was staring down at the water, but wasn't really looking at anything in particular.

The beach ball bounced off her head. She jumped slightly in surprise and then remembered where she was. She stood up again in the waist deep water, appearing to be deep in thought.

"Candace?" Jeremy called to her. "Candace, are you okay?" He waded closer when Candace did not react. "Candace, what's wrong?"

Candace looked right into Jeremy's eyes and with all the seriousness in the world said, "How is standing in a wheat field extraordinary?"

Jeremy frowned. "What?"

Candace wandered a few steps, looking very intently down at the water. "Earlier today, I did a spontaneous musical number."

Jeremy looked even more confused. "About what?"

Candace didn't respond for a moment. "Huh? Oh, I was trying to think of ways to make myself more interesting, and I was rapid-fire listing different things that I thought would make me extraordinary, and one of the things I said was 'standing in a wheat field.'"

Jeremy blinked. "Was it for a rhyme?"

"Well, kind of. But it was the first half of the rhyme. The next line was 'going on a snipe hunt, gotta keep my eyes peeled.' I couldn't have come up with anything else that rhymed with 'peeled?' There's gotta be a million rhymes and slant rhymes for 'peeled.' So why did I say 'standing in a wheat field?'"

"Was the snipe hunt _in_ the wheat field?"

"No, but that would have made infinitely more sense."

"Then I have no idea." He put his arm around her shoulders again. "But you don't need to change anything about yourself. I like you just the way you are."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not the point. Why the heck did I think standing in a wheat field was interesting?"

Jeremy waded over to fetch the beach ball. "I don't know. Are we going to keep playing or are you going to get stuck on this?"

* * *

_Several hours later…_

Candace was laying in bed staring up at the ceiling, fingers laced behind her head. Her sheets were all pushed to the side, for it was too hot for covers. She was deep in thought.

Her first thought was _I should ask Dad to put up a ceiling fan in here. I need more air circulation._

Her seconds thought was _How is standing in a wheat field interesting?_

_It was a spontaneous musical number. I didn't think about the lyrics beforehand. I just sang them. Somehow, subconsciously, I must have thought standing in a wheat field was interesting. But why?_

The question plagued her mind. She could not fall asleep. Her clock read 1:32am.

"That does it."

Candace swung her legs out of bed and stood up. She didn't bother changing out of her pajamas, she just pulled her shoes on. As quietly as she could, she made her way down to the garage and pulled her bike off the ceiling hook from which it hung. She reached for her helmet, but then remembered that Ferb had just bought a new bike helmet that had a battery-powered headlamp on it. It was a bit of a tight fit, but at least she would be able to see.

She walked the bike out the side door and climbed on. She clicked on the headlamp. For being so small, it lit her way surprisingly well. She put her feet up on the pedals and rolled down the slightly inclined driveway. When she reached the sidewalk, she turned left and began to pedal.

"I don't know why I thought standing in a wheat field would be extraordinary, but by golly, I'm gonna find out!"

**This song was so catchy, but that one line seems really out of place. It was just begging to have a story written about it! Also, I've been looking for a place to use that line, "That would have made infinitely more sense," which I actually just now realized Major Monogram used in "Bully Bust."**


	2. Chapter 2

**Yeah, I'm gonna write a Perry subplot. Candace will remain alone, though.**

Chapter 2

_ Doofenshmirtz out in the forest! (After Midnight)_

"Ah-Ha! I've got you now, Perry the Platypus!" Dr. Doofenshmirtz strolled over to the caged platypus. The cage hung from one of the many trees near base of the Danville Dam. Perry glared at his nemesis the way he always does when Doof traps him. "You thought you could sneak up on me, didn't you? Well, I anticipated your sneakiness. That's why I completely surrounded the area where I'm working with traps, so that as soon as you inevitably showed up…well, I think you get the point."

He walked back over to where he had been working. "So, I'll bet you're wondering what I'm doing here at the Danville Dam. Again. Well, you remember last time, I wanted to flood the streets of the Tri-State Area so that everyone would be forced to buy my BO-ATs…I mean boats? But then you thwarted me by opening the Metropolitan Oval Aquatic Trench? Well, this time, I am going to use the Metropolitan Oval- you know what, I'm just going to call it a moat- to my advantage!"

The evil scientist quickly looked at his watch. "Oh, drat! I used up all my allotted time. Now I'm gonna have to wait until the next scene to explain my evil plan! I hope the scene transition doesn't cut me off right in the middle of my sent-"

* * *

There wasn't a whole lot of agriculture in Danville, and there was only one wheat field Candace could think of. It was near the Danville Fairgrounds.

She hid her bike in a small clump of trees near the road and, keeping the helmet/headlamp on to light her way, started walking into the field.

The wheat crop was still young, only about two feet tall. Candace pushed through it easily, walking diagonally in relationship to the road, struck out for the center of the field. When she was satisfied that she had reached the middle, she stopped and looked around.

"Okay…I am standing in wheat field at-" she felt for her phone in her pocket to check the exact time, but she had forgotten to grab it when she left the house. "-some point in time after 1:30am. Let's see what happens."

Candace picked a direction and just stared that way. There was no wind, no movement of any kind anywhere, and the only sounds were that of crickets and bullfrogs in nearby creek.

Ten minutes passed. "Well, this lame."

She decided to switch off the headlamp. It didn't change much. She did, however, notice the stars.

"Wow! You can really see a lot of stars out here without all the city lights."

She stared up at space for a while, enjoying the white speckled sky that spread out endlessly above her. At some point, a airplane passed right in front of the moon, creating a very neat silhouette.

Then somewhere behind her, a twig snapped. It was really just a bird landing on a wheat stalk that wasn't quite strong enough to support its weight, causing the stalk to brake, but as far as Candace was concerned, it was a blood-sucking monster, or a maniac with a big knife.

She immediately starting walking toward the spot where she had left her bike, trying not to look panicked, and talking to herself constantly just to create some noise.

"Uh, maybe I should come back tomorrow during the day. After all, the visual during the song was during the day, and you can see better anyway, I wouldn't want to miss anything exciting in this field of wheat, you know, this wheat field."

She risked a glance up at the sky. "Mm, cool, a read star. It kinda looks like it's pulsing. Or maybe growing. Or-"

She stopped walking and watched the red dot that did look like it was getting bigger. Much bigger. It looked different, too, like it wasn't even in the sky. It almost looked like something hanging in the air over the city. Or over the highway.

"Or maybe it's getting CLOSER!"

It was a huge chunk of space rock, probably the size of a tractor-trailer. And it was heading straight for Candace.

_"AHHHHH!"_ Candace shrieked. She turned and ran as fast as she could. She glanced over her shoulder. It was catching up fast, and it was on a direct course to crash into the ground right where she was running.

"Oh, wait, duh." She turned ninety degrees to the right and ran perpendicular to the asteroid's trajectory, out of its path. The rock had appeared red because it was burning through the ozone, but now it was jet black.

Candace turned her head again as she ran and watched as the asteroid smashed into the ground behind her. The ground shook and she was knocked off her feet, the wheat plants around her cushioning her fall. The great rock slid a few hundred feet before it finally came to rest near a combine the farmer had left parked in the field.

Candace stood up and wiped sweat off her forehead. "Whew. Okay, so standing in a wheat field turned out to be pretty interesting after all."

She flicked the headlamp back on and started walking toward the asteroid. This, she simply had to see up close.

**Oh, it gets better. Don't worry.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Is it my turn again? Oh, goody! Backstory time! So, a little while back, I bought a piece of large piece of fertile farming land in the quad-state area," Doofenshmirtz began. "I built a bunch of robots to farm it so I wouldn't have to worry about it myself and I wouldn't have to pay anyone, and then I could sell the crops and make some extra cash on the side. Unfortunately, no one seemed interested in buying produce labeled 'Doof's Evil Veggies.'

Perry rolled his eyes.

"So, I decided that my only choice was to destroy all the local crops, so that my vegetables will be the only ones in town!"

Doofenshmirtz picked up a remote off the ground. "And how will I destroy all the local crops? The very same way they were grown! With water!"

* * *

Candace slowly approached the half buried space rock, playing the beam of her headlamp over the surface. One end was almost perfectly smooth, worn by the friction in the atmosphere when it fell to earth. Steam rose from the entire rock, obviously still very hot.

Candace got as close as she dared, climbing the mound of soil that had been pushed up around the asteroid. She began to circle it, careful not to touch the steaming surface.

Suddenly, she heard a strange noise, like a tapping. She froze and listened. The noise got louder. It seemed to be coming from inside the rock.

Candace quickly jumped down from the dirt mound and backed away through the short wheat stalks. The tapping had become a sort of crunching sound.

It was obvious. Something was inside the fallen asteroid, and it wanted to get out.

* * *

"You see, Perry the Platypus, Danville Lake is swelled almost up over its banks. When I push this button on my remote, the dam will open, and all the water in the lake will rush out. It will have no place to go but into the Metropolitan Oval Aquatic Trench, which I have already opened. There's a construction crew working on the other side of the Metro- the other side of the moat- so the outlet doors on the other end are closed so they can repair the concrete on the bottom of the trench. The water will have nowhere to go, and eventually, the moat will overflow. It won't overflow enough to flood the city, but all the crop fields along the moat will be covered with water! In a few days, the plants will drown, and then everyone will be forced to by my produce! HA HA HA!"

Doofenshmirtz got right up to Perry's eye level. "And notice, Perry the Platypus, there's no inator involved, so there's no self-destruct button. You can't close the inlet doors to the moat, because then the water will flood the city. And you can't open the outlet doors on the other end because you'll drown the construction workers. Yes, they're a night crew. Even if you get out of that cage, you'll have absolutely no way to stop me!"

Doof walked back to where he was working, which was an electrical panel on the side of the dam, right next to the gigantic doors. He was hotwiring the panel to link to his remote.

Perry frowned. He wasn't sure how he was going to stop Doofenshmirtz this time, but he would cross that bridge when he got to it. For now, he had to figure out how to get out of that cage.

* * *

The crunching became a cracking. Candace thought she saw movement near the top of the asteroid and shifted the beam of light up. Something was poking through the rock, sliding back and forth, breaking away chunks of rock and creating a large hole.

Candace backed up further. A massive clawed hand ripped through the thin rock, followed by a long arm like a tree trunk. A second identical arm broke through just after, and then a head.

No matter how scared she was, Candace just could not tear her eyes away from the terrible sight and flee. She just kept slowly backing away.

The creature stood up, breaking away the rest of the asteroid. It was at least three stories tall and completely covered in hair, which seemed opposite of the stereotypical space monster. The head sitting on top of the meaty shoulders looked more like a mouth with eyes than a full head. Its mouth never fully closed, exposing closely spaced needle-like teeth than all seemed to individually rotate around in its jaw like a sea urchin's teeth.

"Meep." Candace squeaked nervously.

The monster caught sight of Candace's headlamp. It turned to her and let out a deafening roar of anger.

Candace screamed. She finally turned and ran.

She didn't run toward where she had left her bike. She wasn't running in any particular direction. She was just running, driven by adrenaline, to get as far away as she possibly could.

Something cold grabbed her from behind. It had taken about two steps for the alien to catch up to her. The monster's fist was almost as tall as her entire body; only her head was still exposed. "Ack!" she gasped as the air was squeezed from her lungs.

The monster lifted her up and looked at its captive with beady little eyes, one at each corner of its mouth. Candace squirmed, trying desperately to get away, but she couldn't move. The creature's breath was hot on her face. She kept her head as far back as she could move it, trying to stay as far away as she could from its mouth.

Candace turned her head the other way, the beam from the headlamp flashing across the monster's face, directly into its tiny eyes.

They monster squealed. It quickly tried to cover its eyes with its free hand. Candace noticed this.

As soon as the monster dropped its hand away from its face, Candace grinned slyly and turned her head so that the bright LED light on the bike helmet pointed directly into the creature's left eye.

The monster reacted fast. With a pained growl, it instinctively threw Candace away.

_"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_ She screamed as she sailed through the air.

From three stories up, and traveling at least twenty miles per hour, there was no way Candace was going to survive her collision with the ground. Fortunately, she didn't hit the ground.

The Metropolitan Oval Aquatic Trench cut right through the wheat field, and about four feet of water sat motionless in the bottom. Candace's arc through the air carried her between the concrete walls another fifteen feet into the ground and she splashed head-first into the murky water.

**I forgot to put this on any previous chapter, so I'll put it here. Please, take a moment and review. Thank you.**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The water cushioned the fall, but Candace still hit her head on the concrete bottom of the trench. Without the bike helmet, she would have most definitely had a concussion and probably lost consciousness, but while she was not injured, the crash still hurt. With no air in her lungs and a throbbing in her head, she thrashed about until she finally found the surface.

Coughing and gasping for air, she brushed her soaked hair out of her eyes.

"Ugh. How did I get myself into this?" she moaned.

To her surprise, the headlight on her helmet still worked, even after crashing into concrete and being submerged in water.

She froze when she heard loud thumps that seemed to reverberate through the ground. The alien was walking around, and the thumps were getting louder. It was looking for her.

Thinking fast, she switched off the LED light and walked through the water, which was not easy considering that she herself was five foot eight and the water was four feet deep. She quickly reached the far wall, opposite the side the monster was on, and removed the helmet. She held the helmet under the water and sank low so her nose was just above the water. This way, as little of her body was exposed as possible, and the bulky bike helmet was out of sight.

The creature's head appeared over the top of the wall, scanning the trench for its prey. Candace tried to sink even lower, but her nose was nearly touching the surface of the water already. She considered diving completely under, but she wasn't sure how long she would be able to hold her breath, especially considering how exhausted she was from biking, running, and screaming.

_Oh, no. I got water up my nose._

The monster still hadn't spotted her.

_I'm gonna sneeze! Please go away! Please go away!_

"Ah-CHOO!" The sneeze was accompanied by a small splash as Candace's head spasmed from the sneeze, rippling the calm water.

The monster turned and looked right at her. It let out a mighty roar.

_Oh, crud!_

Without any hesitation, the alien jumped down into the trench. It was easily twice as tall as the moat was deep, anyway. Candace saw it start to move like it was going to jump. No longer trying to hide, she kicked off from the wall and swam downstream in the shallow water. She was a strong swimmer, but it wasn't easy to swim with her shoes on, and there was a lot of added drag from the material of her lose-fitting pajamas and the bike helmet, which she held onto tightly by the chin straps.

She made it far enough out of the way that when the monster landed, she didn't get squished, and the subsequent wave that formed carried her a little ways. Holding her head out of the water and letting the wave carry her, Candace looked back at the monster. It was hurriedly climbing out of the trench. She watched as it stood up in the field and started shaking its mammoth feet as if it were on fire.

_It's growling like it's pain. I'll bet that thing doesn't like water!_

Finally, the wave's momentum was spent. Candace quickly kicked off her shoes and started swimming madly in the direction of the road, which crossed the moat at the edge of the wheat field.

_Of all the times to forget my phone! I need to call someone for help! Actually, even if I did have it, my phone wouldn't be much help now. When is someone going to make a cell phone that works under water?_

* * *

Perry quickly discovered that the screws holding the latch on the cage weren't very tight. Luckily, they were flathead screws, and he was able to get them lose by jamming his tail into the slot and twisting. He then started unscrewing them with his fingers.

Unfortunately, he only had time to get one out.

"Got it!" Dr. Doofenshmirtz cried as the button on his remote lit up. "Now all I have to do is climb up to the top of the dam, and get this party started!"

Perry didn't have time to finish unscrewing the other five screws. He had to act now. Fortunately, a well-timed flashback reminded him of a time when he managed to free himself from a trap with just a screw.

The first day of the summer, Perry had been trapped by four mechanical arms, one for each of his arms and legs. He had been able to free himself by hitting a screw laying on the floor beneath him with his tail. The screw had hit Dr. Doofenshmirtz in the foot, causing the scientist to unintentionally free him.

Perry smiled. He sat down on the bottom of the cage and wedged his tail in between two of the bars, leaving his tail hanging straight down. He dropped the screw between his legs and hit it with his tail as hard as he could.

"Okay, here we go," Doof sighed as he grabbed the rock cliff next to the dam walls and lifted his left foot to begin climbing. The screw's point pierced the top of his raised shoe.

_"YAAAHHH!"_ he yelled. He grabbed his foot and started hopping around in pain on his good foot. Eventually, he hopped out of the safe circle and right into one of his own traps.

Perry winced at the sound of the crash and shut his eyes. When he opened them, Dr. D hung from another nearby tree in a cage identical to Perry's. It was a tight squeeze for the fully grown man in the platypus sized cage, and Doof's face was smashed up against the bars.

Doofenshmirtz glared at Perry in disgust. "You think this is funny, don't you?"

"Ngrgrgrgrgrgrgrg."

* * *

Candace was out of energy. She could swim no longer. She had no idea she had walked so far away from the road. She stopped swimming and stood in the water, which was up to her mid chest, and slowly waded on toward the road. The concrete bottom seemed to chew at her bare toes and sole with every step, but she trudged on.

Eventually, she reached something familiar. The road bridge that crossed the moat was surrounded by small patches of thick trees and brush on all four corners. The tiny patches of forest extended about fifty feet or so along the trench in each spot. The trees' upper limbs had grown out over the trench, and many long branches stretched almost all the way down to the water. (They were quite strange trees.) Among those branches was a multitude of vines, ivies, and sticker bushes that clung to the low tree branches and grew out of cracks in the walls. It created a nearly impassible thicket over the water.

Without completely submerging, there was only one way through. In the very center of the trench was an almost perfect tunnel through the branches and vines where the plants had not yet invaded. The hole was only about two feet wide and a foot and a half above the water's surface, but it was perfect for someone wading.

Candace put the bike helmet back on her head. She had been holding onto it like her life depended on it. Thankful that the LED light still worked after all the time it had spent submerged in the water, she entered the tunnel of vines, wading more slowly than before.

The water sloshing quietly around her was the only sound, for there were no frogs in the moat and the crickets had stopped singing. Candace was alone with her thoughts.

_If that thing didn't like the water, I'm probably pretty safe down here in the trench. On the one hand, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to climb out of here if I need to. One the other, under all these branches and vines, I'm sure it won't be able to see me. Maybe I should just hang out under here until someone spots that thing and calls the National Guard. Unless, of course, Phineas and Ferb stop it first. I'm probably fairly safe under here._

That final thought was immediately falsified when she found herself staring into the eyes of a rather deadly looking snake.

"Snake!" she cried, and unconsciously threw herself backwards at the exact moment the snake lashed out to strike her. She lost her footing and splashed under the water.

Candace put her hands out behind her to catch herself on the bottom. Her left hand hit something, something sharp, and she retracted her hand in surprise as pain shot through the palm of her hand.

She kicked with her feet, propelling her backwards a few feet, and then surfaced for air, breathing hard.

"Ow!" she moaned, and inspected her hand. Whatever she had touched had sliced a perfectly straight line right across her left palm, which of course was bleeding.

She looked forward. There was the snake, baring its fangs, looking at her. It did not look interesting in moving from that spot.

_How am I supposed to get past that?_ Candace asked herself.

She looked at her stinging palm again. Whatever she had hit must have been razor sharp, for she had barely felt it pierce the skin. She just felt the pain from the cut.

And that gave her an idea.

**Should this be rated "T" instead of "K+" because of the blood?**

**Boy, I'm just cranking this story out considering I didn't have a plot in mind when I started writing it. That's four chapters in one day! For me, that's definitely a new record, even if the chapters are really short.**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Candace took a few deep breaths and then dove under. The bright LED light cut through the murky water and Candace forced herself to open her eyes. She scanned the bottom of the moat with the light, looking for whatever had cut her hand among the layer of dead leaves and sticks that had piled up on the concrete.

Out of breath, she broke the surface and inhaled, and then dove under again. Still, she could not see anything that looked sharp enough to cut her hand. Soon enough, she was out of breath.

"*pant* *pant* One more *pant* try."

She dove under again. This time she remembered something. She had hit the object with her left hand and she had been looking to the left the entire time. But whatever it was had moved, slid across the bottom when she hit it.

This time she turned to the right. She scanned up the trench, then down, then straight back to the wall. Still, nothing. She was just about to surface when she saw it. Something further down the trench, almost buried in the leaves, had caught the light and reflected it back at her.

Candace kicked backwards and carefully brushed the blackened leaves off its surface. It was a piece of thin but ridged metal, about an inch and a half wide, mostly rusted but with tiny patches of shiny metal still prominent enough to catch the light. She grabbed the flat surface with her injured hand, careful not to touch the edges. Her lungs burning for air, she put her feet back on the bottom and stood up.

Candace took a minute to catch her breath, watching the snake to make sure it didn't move from where it blocked her path. Then she pulled the metal object from the water and examined it.

At first, she though it was just a piece of discarded steel that had somehow been washed into the moat. But then, she noticed it had a handle. Not just any handle, either. It was very intricate, with a spiraled grip and an intricate spindly hand guard that wrapped around to the bottom of the grip. The steel was in fact a blade. It was long, about three feet, slightly curved, double edged and tapered to point. It was rusty, but still razor sharp.

It was a sword.

She turned it over and wrapped her right hand around the handle. It wasn't too heavy, and her hand fit the grip perfectly.

_This is better than I could have hoped._

Holding the dripping sword out of the water at arm's length, she advanced slowly toward the snake. The serpent bared its fangs and hissed at his opponent. At this safe distance, though, Candace could easily deal with the snake. With its eyes fixed on her, she drew the sword to one side as far as she could until it hit the low tree branches and then flicked her wrist. The blade lopped the snake's head off with one slice. The head splashed into the water, and the limp body followed it a moment later.

Candace grinned triumphantly. She looked at the sword again, more closely this time. She didn't know anything about it other than it was old and was very sharp, but she was sure her dad or Ferb would probably be able to identify its origin.

She pushed the floating body of the dead snake out of her path with the sword's edge, and then, holding it at a defensive angle in front of her, she slowly continued her journey through the tree tunnel.

* * *

"I'll bet you think you're so clever, trapping me in my own cage, don't you, Perry the Platypus?"

Perry didn't even look at Doofenshmirtz. He just continued twisting out the screws holding the latch on his cage.

"Well, you're not! Because I can still carry out my evil scheme right from here! I still have my remote! From up in this cage, I can open the dam, the water will flow under me, so I won't get hurt, and I'll still win, even if I _am_ trapped!

"Now, if I can just reach the remote…why did I have to put it there?"

Perry had two screws left to remove. He looked over at Doofenshmirtz. Heinz had put the remote in his back pocket and was currently struggling to reach it. He didn't have much room to move his arms around in the cramped cage.

Perry went back to work. He needed to get free before Doof could open the dam.

* * *

Candace finally made it to the base of the bridge. She had been hoping that there would be a way for her to climb out here, but she found nothing that would help her.

_Maybe on the other side._

Glad she had the headlight to guide her, she slogged through the water in the pitch dark under the small bridge. On the other side, she smiled.

_A ladder! Yes!_

The ladder was attached to the concrete wall about a foot from the bridge. Though this side was just as overgrown as the other, the spot where the ladder hung was free of plant growth, cut back by city workers. Candace grabbed the bottom rung and pulled herself out of the murky water, hooking two fingers around the sword's handle so she could climb with both hands and still hold her weapon. She stopped a few rungs up and rested, letting her waterlogged pajamas drip into the trench. She finally climbed the rest of the way up, stuck the sword blade into the soft earth and collapsed on the ground on the side of the road, breathing hard.

"If I live through this, I am content to just remain boring old Candace Flynn for the rest of my life."

She lay in silence for a few more minutes, her breathing finally quieting.

"Who am I kidding? I won't be content with that."

Candace stood up and retrieved the sword from the ground. Wishing she still had her shoes, she crossed the road and began walking on the shoulder beside the wheat field, heading toward where she had hid her bike. She scanned the field on both sides of the empty road, looking for any sign of the alien monster, but she saw nothing but the remains of the asteroid in the distance, the deep rut it had torn into the ground, and the combine.

Five minutes passed. She could see the clump of trees where she had hid her bike.

"Finally," she gasped. She was utterly exhausted. A warm sense of relief flooded her nervous system.

The warm feeling left as her blood ran cold. The ground was shaking with the rhythm of walking. She turned around.

Just emerging from the trees near the bridge where she had been resting minutes earlier was the three story monster. She reached up to turn off her headlamp, but she was too late. It caught sight of her and let out an incredible roar that shook the night air. Then it charged.

* * *

Perry finally removed the final screw and jumped down from the cage.

"Ah-ha!" Doofenshmirtz cried triumphantly, holding up the remote, not even noticing that Perry was free. "I got it!"

Perry bolted toward the cage holding Doof and when he was right below, jumped, arm pulled back, ready to punch.

"Now, watch as-!"

Doof was cut off as Perry's fist clobbered his nose. The platypus grabbed onto the side of the cage and hung on to the bars.

"Ow!"

Dr. Doofenshmirtz dropped the remote in surprise. It landed on the ground, upside down. The button depressed. The dam opened.

Perry could only watch in horror as millions of gallons of water flowed out of Danville Lake, under the cage where he and his nemesis dangled, and into the Metropolitan Oval Aquatic Trench.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

_"AAAAAAHHHHH!" _Candace screamed. She ran as fast as her legs would carry her, but the monster made up the ground that she had covered in five minutes in under five seconds.

With only her smaller size and greater maneuverability to her advantage, Candace turned left into the wheat field and, crouching down among the wheat while making a wide arc, doubled back. With her headlight off, the monster lost sight of her and Candace ran right past it. She stood up fully to run more easily and took off back toward the Metropolitan Oval Aquatic Trench.

* * *

As Doofenshmirtz laughed manically, Perry jumped off the cage into the water, holding onto his fedora. Paddling with the current, Perry pumped his tail as hard as he could, making up ground on the front of the deluge. When he reached the gate to the moat, he climbed out. He pressed a button on his watch, and his scooter drove itself up a few moments later.

Perry hopped on and drove through the middle of the city at full speed, easily navigating the dark, empty streets. Since the moat curved around the city, cutting through downtown at full speed would hopefully get him ahead of the torrent flowing through the moat.

* * *

The monster turned when it finally noticed Candace was no longer in front of it. Candace tore across the wheat field, her bare feet being shredded by the dirt and rough wheat stalks.

Ahead, she could see the trench.

_Oh, I don't want to dive in there again! But, when you gotta go…_

* * *

Perry flew out of the city and crossed the countryside, flying past fields as the little gasoline motor on his scooter strained to keep pace. He vaguely noticed the giant monster in an adjacent field as he blew through an intersection on the corner of a wheat field, but he pressed on without a second glance. He was almost to the outlet gate on the other end of the Metropolitan Oval Aquatic Trench.

* * *

"Hey, Andy? What do you make of this?"

Andy looked up from his quick-drying concrete and looked up to where Joe was standing on top of the outlet gate. "What is it? I can't see it from down here."

"I think you'd better come take a look."

Grumbling to himself, Andy set down his trowel and climbed up the extension ladder to the top of the gate. He looked down the trench. Water was rushing down the gully toward them. The torrent hit the gate and the four-foot water level began to rise rapidly.

"Rising pretty dang quick, ain't it, Joe?"

"That it is, Andy."

"I think I'd better finish up down there so we can open this gate."

"I think you should, too."

Andy climbed back down the ladder, not letting the sense of urgency make him rush.

"Hey, Andy?"

"What?"

"There's something else here you should see."

"What? I'm halfway down the ladder."

"It kinda looks like a teal beaver in a fedora on a motor scooter heading this way. Or maybe it's a duck, I can't tell."

* * *

Candace turned her head just for a split second to see how close the monster was. It was so close, it was reaching for her.

"EEK!" she cried as she tripped over her own feet and fell to the ground. The clawed hand closed above her head, missing. She rolled out from beneath it into a puddle beneath the wheat. She quickly picked herself up and slogged through the water covering the wheat field.

_Wait, water? Covering the field?_

She looked down. Sure enough, a layer of water up to her ankles covered the field, which made it very difficult to run.

Soon, she saw why. The Metropolitan Oval Aquatic Trench was overflowing.

Before she could wonder how that was possible, she turned to find the monster reaching for her once again. This time, when she fell to avoid being grabbed, she rolled onto her back. As the meaty fist closed above her, she remembered the sword still clutched in her hand. She thrust it upwards with all her might.

The alien roared as the sharp steel pierced its hand. It flung its hands up in the air.

The sword didn't come free from the monster's flesh like Candace expected it to, and her hand was caught in the blade guard. When it flailed, the sword stayed stuck, and Candace went with it, screaming all the way as she was lifted nearly six stories high.

Candace hung onto the sword for dear life, now praying that it didn't come lose. The monster roared in pain again, but this time, it sounded different. When Candace had stabbed it, it roared with anger. Now, it roared with a weakness, almost distress.

Candace suddenly realized why. It was standing in water.

The monster lowered its arms, and Candace, back to waist height, which was still at least fifteen feet off the ground. The water was climbing higher, and it could see no escape from the liquid that burned its feet.

It backed up, searching for a way out. It raised its left foot, balancing on the right, trying to give at least one foot some relief from the pain.

Candace saw this as an opportunity. If she could make the monster fall, she might be able to escape while it writhed in pain. She wrapped her still stinging left hand around her right one, which was still holding the sword handle, and twisted the blade.

Once again, the monster roared and flailed its arms out in pain. This time, Candace couldn't hold on. She lost her grip on the sword handle and flew through the air. For the second time in that early morning, she landed right in the trench, which was, of course, overflowing. She didn't hit her head this time. There was more than enough water to cushion her fall.

When the creature flailed its arms, it lost its balance. The monster fell, impacting the field with both a splash and a crash. It screamed in pain as the water touched its back, its neck, its arms, its head.

As it struggled to stand back up, pieces of its skin were sloughing off. Panicked, the monster gave one more mighty push against the ground and its entire right arm fell off, dissolving in the water.

It crashed back down to the ground, gave one last mighty roar that echoed across the empty fields, and then was silent.

* * *

Perry didn't bother with the kickstand on his scooter. He jumped off, letting the bike fall to the ground. He ran to the dry side of the dam and slid down the ladder while Joe watched with interest.

Perry pushed Andy out of the way.

"What's the big idea?"

Perry ignored him. He grabbed the handle of the wheelbarrow containing the still wet concrete, steered it over to the cracked and chipped part of the floor where the water had been leaking out, and dumped the wheelbarrow over. He grabbed the trowel from Andy's hand.

"Hey, that's mine!"

Perry knelt down and spread the concrete patch over the cracks, then grabbed a 2X4 plank from the ground nearby and used it to smooth the concrete out. Forgetting about the tools and the wheelbarrow, he grabbed Andy by the hand and dragged him up the ladder.

As soon as they were clear of the ladder, Perry ran over to a mounted control panel on the side of the small guard station by the dam and pushed the button labeled **OPEN DOORS.** The dam gates opened, and the water rushed out, carrying the ladder and all the tools away, just a second before the water would have crested the top of the doors.

Then he tipped his hat, picked up his scooter, climbed on, and motored away, leaving Joe and Andy staring, mouths agape, at what they had just witnessed.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Candace kicked her feet and swam for the surface. Spitting out water, she quickly pulled herself up onto the wall, which was a foot underwater now, but at least she could stand instead of treading water.

The monster was on the ground, slowly dissolving. It was hard to tell it was even the same thing that had attacked her. It looked rather like a whale that had been dead on the beach for a several weeks.

Candace stood there for a long time, dripping wet. She became vaguely aware that the water around her legs was receding and looked down into the moat. The water was all draining out, even down past the point it had been when she had fallen in the first time. It drained until it was completely empty, leaving just puddles on the bottom.

Candace walked over the drenched field, her feet sinking up to her ankles in the mud. She was utterly exhausted, soaked to the sink, and her pajamas were smeared with mud. Her orange hair was in tangled clumps that were plastered to the side of her head and hung down messily beneath the bike helmet. She pressed on across the field until she reached the dead monster.

She scanned the crushed wheat stalks, searching. Remembering the headlight on her helmet, she clicked it on. There, in the darkness, was a tiny reflection from something shiny. She walked over to it, and there, under a few rapidly dissolving bones and clumps of wheat stalks, partially embedded in the mud, was the sword.

Candace slowly bent down and picked it up by the handle. Then, with no further reason to stick around, she turned and started walking toward the clump of trees where her bike awaited her return.

* * *

Perry returned to the O.W.C.A. headquarters and showered so that no one in his host family would wonder why he was dirty and had flecks of dried concrete on his hands and feet. Then he took a vacuum tube home, popping up from a hidden door behind Ferb's bed. He jammed his fedora under the mattress, climbed up on the bed, removed the log he had placed under Ferb's arm when he left, and snuggled in for some much needed rest.

* * *

Candace pushed her bike into the garage just as the sun's first rays began to creep over the horizon. The ride home had been long and difficult, considering it was mostly uphill and Candace was almost too tired to keep pedaling. She was only holding the handle bars with her right hand. Her injured left hand held the sword, just with her finger tips to avoid making contact with the cut on her palm. And on top of everything else, the battery in the headlight had finally died about halfway home.

She crept into the house and found it deserted. Everyone else was still asleep. Still carrying the sword, she tip-toed up the stairs and went right into the bathroom to treat her cut and take a shower. When her wound was disinfected and wrapped with gauze and she was clean and wrapped in her bathrobe, Candace rinsed the sword off in the bathtub and dried it with a tissue.

Then she went to her bedroom, leaned the sword in the corner, shed her bathrobe, and collapsed onto her bed. She was asleep almost before her head hit the pillow.

* * *

"Wow. That's quite a story," Jeremy said. Candace had just finished recounting the events of the wee hours of that morning over lunch, which was actually breakfast for Candace. "I'm glad you're okay."

"I actually can't believe you believed that."

Jeremy sipped his soda. "Well, considering all the crazy, unbelievable things your brothers have done, I've learned that sometimes, you _can_ take reality for granted."

Candace picked the sword up off the ground and placed it on the table between herself and Jeremy. "I was still asleep when my dad left for the antique shop this morning. I'm gonna head over there now and see if he knows anything about this sword. Wanna come?"

Jeremy shoved the last bite of his sandwich into his mouth. "I can't. I have to get ready to go to work. But I'll be very interested to see what you find out."

"Okay. See you later. Have fun at work."

"I don't really think that's possible, but I'll sure try."

Candace laughed.

* * *

Candace found Lawrence in the back room at Flynn-Fletcher Antiques, his nose buried in a book that was so large it took up the entire table.

"Hey, dad!"

"Candace!" Lawrence exclaimed as he looked up. "How nice to see you down here at the shop." He noticed the bandage around Candace's hand. "What happened to your hand?"

"I have a very sharp antique for you to look at. It cut me." Candace had been holding the sword upright behind her back. She pulled it out and twirled it around a bit before holding it out so her stepfather could take it from her by the hilt.

"My word!" Lawrence exclaimed, his face lighting up. "Where did you find this?"

"In the Metropolitan Oval Aquatic Trench while trying to escape an alien monster."

"Did you really?"

"Yup!"

"Well! Jolly good, Candace!" Lawrence turned on an overhead lamp and twisted a huge magnifying glass on a mounted arm so that he could examine the sword. "Yes, yes. As I thought! Marvelous! Simply marvelous!"

Candace watched him over his shoulder. After just a few minutes, Lawrence spun his chair around, grinning from ear to ear. He gripped the sword in his hand and held it out to show Candace. "Candace, what you have here is a Union Cavalry Officer's saber from the American Civil War."

"Really? Wow!"

"Yes, I can't identify exactly which officer this sword belonged to, but I can tell you that this sword was made by Henry Sauerbier & Company."

"Is it rare?"

"Well, not extremely, but it's more difficult to find than some other Civil War artifacts." Lawrence suddenly frowned. "Where did you say you found it?"

"Jenny and I dug it up in her backyard when I was helping her plant flowers."

Lawrence looked at Candace quizzically for a moment, and then his smile returned. "Well, alright, then. What are you going to do with it?"

He tossed the sword in the air and it flipped end over end. When it came back down, he caught it skillfully by the tip blade without cutting his hand. The handle was now pointed at Candace and she took hold of it.

"Hmm. It would look kinda out of place if I hung it in my bedroom. Why don't you hang it on the wall here in the shop just as a display item until I decide what to do with it?" Candace set the sword down on a nearby table. "Just don't sell it like you did my Mary McGuffin Doll."

Lawrence laughed nervously. "Don't worry, Candace. I'll keep it safe for you."

"Thanks! See you back home!"

"Bye, Candace!"

* * *

"Hello? Anybody out there?" Dr. Doofenshmirtz called. "I need some help here! I'm stuck in a cage! I'd really like to go home now! Hello?"

* * *

"That's so cool, Candace!" Jeremy exclaimed.

Candace smiled at her boyfriend. "Yeah. I guess it is pretty cool."

They walked out of the Mr. Slushy Dawg together. Jeremy's shift had just ended.

"You know, Candace, I'd even go so far as to say that's…" Jeremy paused for dramatic effect. He grinned mischievously. "…Extraordinary? Perhaps?"

Candace smiled back at him. "Maybe. Maybe."

"And all because you found it strange that you sang a line in a spontaneous musical number."

"Maybe I have ESP or I'm physic or something. My subconscious was telling me to go to that field so I could fight an alien and find an old sword."

Jeremy laughed. "Maybe you are."

It was Candace's turn to laugh.

"Come on," Jeremy said, putting his arm around her, "Let's go home."

They walked down the street toward Maple drive.

"I'll tell you this, though," Candace said. "I might still try some of the other things I sang about. I think I'd enjoy taking a fashion workshop, and it might be cool to make my own soap. But I am never, ever, ever going to stand in a wheat field again!"

"Ha ha ha!"

* * *

"Hello? Hello? Anyone? I really have to go to the bathroom! CURSE YOU PERRY THE PLATYPUS!"

**The End**

**I really enjoyed writing this story. I don't know why, but this was probably the most fun I've ever had writing a Phineas and Ferb fanfiction. (Which is ironic, because Phineas and Ferb didn't appear in this story. I guess, technically, Ferb did, but he was asleep, so I don't count that as an appearance.) I'm going to have to call this one a personal favorite of mine, and this story didn't even have any muscle cars or racing in it!**

** Just so you know:**

**-The scene where Candace is wading through the water under the trees and vines was inspired by a very short scene from ****_Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides_****. That's the only reason I even thought of the sword being part of the plot. I wanted Candace to be a pirate! That's also the reason why there's a snake in that scene.**

**-The alien monster is basically a rancor with hair from ****_Star Wars: Return of the Jedi_****. **

** That's all for this story! Thank you all for your kind reviews. I'm glad you all enjoyed this spur-of-the-moment Candace-ballad I thought of.**


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